What to take to a funeral

Although your presence at the funeral alone is enough to show your respect and remember the deceased, you might want to take something along too. This might be:

• A memory or a story concerning the deceased
• Sympathy card
• Flowers
• Charity donation

A memory or a story concerning the deceased

If you have a fond memory or a particular story about the deceased, you might want to share this. You could include it as a message in a sympathy card or add it to the guestbook if one is available. Either way, it would show those immediately affected by the loss that their loved one remains in your thoughts.

Sympathy card

A sympathy card is a straightforward way of both expressing your condolences and letting the immediate family know you are thinking of them. You may wish to offer your support or leave a simple, heartfelt message, but whatever you choose to write in the sympathy card it will help to bring comfort to those who are grieving.

Flowers

Flowers are a traditional part of funerals and regarded as a symbolic way of extending your sympathies. There will usually be an area set aside for the placing of the flowers (often near to or inside the entrance of the church or crematorium). You can also leave them with the funeral director beforehand.

Charity donation

The family may request that instead of flowers a donation to the charity of their choosing is made. The accepted method for collecting the money is a funeral donation box, which allows you to make an anonymous contribution following the service. The funeral director will then arrange for the collection to either be handed over to the family or sent to the chosen charity.

It might be to help you (or another) cope with the emotional drain the occasion can place upon you. It might be to ensure your physical comfort during the service. Whatever your reason, here are some practical suggestions for what to take to a funeral:

• Tissues
• Sunglasses
• Umbrella
• Appropriate footwear
• Child's toy

Tissues

Funerals are highly emotional affairs and, with such an intense outpouring of grief, you may wish to come prepared. Tissues or a handkerchief can help if tears are inevitable. They are also useful to have at hand to offer somebody else similarly affected.

Sunglasses

Sunglasses at a funeral can serve two purposes. They can protect your eyes from the glare of the sun on a hot day, particularly if it is a graveside service. Alternatively, sunglasses are sometimes worn by those in mourning to conceal their emotions at a time when they are understandably distressed.

Umbrella

If rain has been forecast for the day of the funeral, you may want to take along an umbrella to keep dry. Once again, this is particularly worth remembering in the case of a graveside service or one that takes place outdoors (a burial at sea, for instance).

Appropriate footwear

If there has been heavy rain prior to a graveside service, or the funeral is a woodland burial or similar, you might want to consider taking footwear that is both practical and provides the level of comfort that will see you through the day.

Child's toy

If you intend to take a young child along to the funeral, a favourite toy, such as a teddy bear, could help to provide reassurance if they become emotional or upset. Remember that this is a respectful occasion and anything that is noisy or likely to cause a disturbance or disruption should be left at home.

As previously stated, the above are only suggestions and funeral etiquette doesn’t require you take anything on the day, unless you want to.

For further information on what to expect when attending a funeral, read our guides to what happens at a funeral service and what to wear at a funeral.

More help with attending a funeral.